


Lose You

by yeontanvantae



Category: Monsta X (Band), Nam Yoondo | Eric Nam (Musician)
Genre: Break Up, Eventual Happy Ending, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Sad Lee Minhyuk, Songfic, idk what to tag, minhyuk isn't really mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 08:05:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17742113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeontanvantae/pseuds/yeontanvantae
Summary: Hyunghyuk songfic based on Lose You by Eric Nam.... and the question is "Did you even love me?"





	Lose You

**Author's Note:**

> My first Songfic o///O
> 
> English is not my first language, please be kind <3

**Lose You**

 

“I love you.”, you whispered, and I smiled at you, sad, caressing your cheek before placing a soft kiss on your pink lips. I know, this is not a good-bye, more a see-you-again. But is this what I really feel?

I watched you getting in the train, waved good-bye for now.

 

_Eyes wide shut dreaming about you_  
_Hot blood rush turning a cold blue_ _  
See you touch but I’m feeling nothing but I’m feeling nothing_

 

I remember the day as it was yesterday.

The rain poured down on the roof of my car, the windows fogged up because of our breath and the things we’ve done just a couple of minutes ago.

“I’m gonna leave to Seoul...”, you said casually while you buttoned up your shirt again, avoiding my gaze.

“What? Why? When?”

Silence filled car, even if the engine was running and soft music played. I didn’t hear anything, just starred on your lips hoping they’ll form in a smile and telling me you’re joking.

You just sighed, bit on your lip and shrugged. “Next week for six months.”

  
_I’m in California you, you out in Georgia_  
_But we both in the same room_  
_Staring at perfection, I’m about to wreck it_  
_It’s just something I gotta do_

 

Your smile was familiar, but didn’t felt true. It should made me happy, remind me of better times and should let me focus on the time when you’ll be back.

But it didn’t.

  
_I think I wanna lose you_  
_Just to find my way back to you_  
_I think I wanna break up_  
_Just to make it all up to you_  
_I don’t wanna let go, let go_  
_But I gotta let go, let go_  
_I think I wanna lose you_  
_Just to find my way back to you_

 

Two weeks passed since I said good-bye to you at the train station. Two weeks where I felt broken but also whole. I drove through the city without goal or to places we used to be together - happy and whole.

‘I think… we need a break.’

I couldn’t tell you this on the phone nor while video chat. I know, I’m a coward.

  
_I can’t blame you if you hate me_  
_You might think I’m some kind of crazy_  
_Asking me “Did you even love me?”_ _  
“Did you even love me?”_

 

I tried to avoid your messaged, your calls.

I avoided the places made out. Our little wonderlands and paradieses where just you had been important to me.

I didn’t want to answer. I was to afraid to tell you, that I couldn’t bear to be with you but not being able to see you, to touch you, to kiss you and tell you how much I love you.

 

_Cause I’m in California, you you out in Georgia_  
_But we both in the same room_  
_But I, if I stay with you we won’t make it_  
_It’s just something we gotta do_

 

You tried to ask our friends what happened, but they couldn’t tell.

They didn’t ask. The didn’t know.

Avoiding you made everything less painful.

  
_I think I wanna lose you_  
_Just to find my way back to you_  
_I think I wanna break up_  
_Just to make it all up to you_  
_I don’t wanna let go, let go_  
_But I gotta let go, let go_  
_I think I wanna lose you_  
_Just to find my way back to you_

 

‘Fuck Hyungwon, tell me what I did to deserve this!’

Your message is hard and I know you’re angry. I understand.

But do you?

  
_I don’t wanna let go_  
_But I gotta let go_

 

The day of your arrival back in Gwangju. I told your mum I will pick you up.

She just looked at me confused and hurt. I could see you in her eyes. I felt the same.

 

_I think I wanna lose you_  
_Just to find my way back to you_  
_I think I wanna break up_  
_Just to make it all up to you_  
_I don’t wanna let go, let go_  
_But I gotta let go, let go_  
_I think I wanna lose you_ _  
Just to find my way back to you_

 

Even from afar, I know exactly which brown head is yours.

Your pretty smile is everything I need, everything I ever needed.

Your best friend picked you up, hugged you tight before he leads you to my car.

“I love you more than everything.”

I saw how much you hated me in this moment. I saw how hurt you had been.

You took the bouquet of red and white carnation.

 

“I hate you… but I fucking love you.”

 

**Eric Nam - Lose You**


End file.
